The Invincible Fridge!

My New Music Group

Julian Beever: God

Julian Beever is the crazy chalk artist that does crazy 3-d chalk art.

Check him out.

Les Paul A Day

Check Out My new Site, Les Paul A Day

Its tasty!

Dear FaceBook Applications

A letter my friend wrote in a note. Yeah, it rhymed.

Dear Idiotic Facebook Applications,

I'm sick of you trying to push your way into my life. 
You're vain, disgusting, superficial, and everything that I aspire not to be.

Don't compare me to other people, don't decide whether or not I'd be raunchy in bed, don't judge my mothering abilities, eyes, sense of humour, body or nonexistant penis. 

I don't want to be told that I'm a better friend than someone else, and that I merit 3rd place in a top friends list while other people don't. 

I vomit in my mouth everytime I see that I've been bitten by another vampire that likes to suck my blood.

Don't tell me that I'm fabulously hott in some box on the computer when you would never dream of saying it to my face. I don't need to read that "Anonymous", highlighted pink, doesn't like me, but hasn't decided why yet. 

I will never in my life click on a button that takes someone's self worth and makes it into a mathematical measurement of how disirable they are to the rest of humanity. 

I've seen what you do to people.

If I get another notification telling me that some guy wants to sleep with me, I'll round house kick every existing man on the face of the planet right in the genitals.

Then we'll see who's sleeping with who.

Hate is a strong word and I like to believe that no one can truly hate, but you, well you're something else... you are worthy of the word. Oh how you are EVER worthy of the word.

What ever happened to the simple you, before you decided to change? I like the old you... you were so notey, walley, and picturey. You weren't judgemental. You didn't pressure people into falling for the exact same barf worthy chunks of bullshit that the media seems to find enjoyable.

I strongly suggest that you GET OUTTA TOWN!

...Or at least stop tearing apart peoples' self esteem, courage, nobility, and empathy and replacing those great qualities with superficial nonshit.

You disgust me, and I never want to see you again.

Go die, stupid facebook applications.

Your enemy for the rest of your life (which won't be long, let me tell you),

Sincerely,

My Friend

Some of my Faves

Some Cool Articles From College Humor

Talking to Myself


Christian Convenience Store


Introducing Google Smart Ass '


The Game Of Life: Personalized


Chatroom Wingman


What You're Saying With Your Classroom Beverage


Super Emails

Amazing Super Powers: Screwed

Website

Specific Comic

AVP

From this CollegeHumor Article

Apple Bottom Jeans

Moments Before

Moments Before, from CollegeHumor

"Moments Before..." is a column that examines the exact events that lead up to a specific CollegeHumor picture. None of the dialogue below is conjecture -- they are all based on facts and interviews. For maximum hilarity reveal the picture by clicking on the link after reading the article.

Photographer: All right, shall we get started? Let's see two big smiles!

Man: Wait!

Photographer: Of course. I'm sorry. When you're ready.

Woman: You should take off your shirt, baby.

Photographer: He should?

Man: I mean, I didn't get this tattoo of a squashed bug on my shoulder so that it would be hidden during our photos.

Photographer: Right. Sorry. Ready now?

Man: Not even close. Baby, take off your shirt too.

Woman: You think so?

Photographer: Probably n--

Man: I've never been so sure about anything, ever.

Woman: I love you so hard.

Photographer: All right. You're both topless now. 

Man: Pretty awesome, right?

Photographer: ...and she's pregnant. She's definitely pregnant.

Woman: Yes.

Photographer: So, sir, let me get this straight. You came into Wal-Mart to take a topless photo of you both, and your... wife is it?

Man: What DON'T you get?

Photographer: All right let's just do this.

Woman: Grab my ass.

Man: Unbutton your jeans. 

Woman: Just the top button, though.

Man: You are so pregnant.

Woman: And you look like Eminem.

[Flash!]

http://www.collegehumor.com/picture:1810402

Yay

Time Zone's Fixed!

C&H #2

Cyanide And Happiness

J&A

Jake And Amir

Comedy Gold

One Day In A Kindergarten Class...

Games On Drury Lane

I was thinking...how many times do you think the Muffin Man gets Nicky Nicky Nine Doors played on him a night

WOO!

So, I have discovered that I'm going to Warp Tour!

God I love Punk Rock...I swim in that shit.

By the way, I couldn't find a freakin' '08 logo.

The Graphic Truth

From CollegeHumor

Buff Love

I'm was just thinking how gross the baby of The Hulk and The Thing from The Fantastic Four's baby would be...ew.

No It's Not A Gay thought.

Apple: Think Different

Always remember to read the fine print.

Amazing Super Powers

Amazingsuperpowers.com

Why Hobbes Carried "Calvin & Hobbes"

Comedy Gold....comedy gold.

P.S. You may have to click it and enlarge.

Freakin' Summer

And so the heat has come, and I like it. 

My only problem is that where was spring? For me it went Winter then rain and then Summer! But where did all the new grass, and sprouting flowers come up? Did they just wake up from a 4 month catnap and pop up? 

Because now its hot, and I don't have shorts, and I'm chafing and sweaty, it's just bad news! So now comes the early summer suffering where my pool isn't open, so I can't take a dip there, no shorts, so I'm just gonna have to wing it. By lying. From now until I am prepared for summer, I will deny it is occurring. It's not fair that summer just gets to come and go whenever she pleases. Oh yes she comes at night and says she loves you, but then she just leaves whenever, ripping out my heart and stealing my chump change off my night table.

Anyway,

So summer is coming to fast. I'm gonna eventually buy shorts, but by the time I'm done that it'll be Fall! If she even comes... please come? And don't steal my loonies and toonies this time?

Well, at least there's beach volleyball. Mmmmmm beach volleyball.

 

Howcast Wikiguides!

There's this group of people who film videos about how do things...and their called Howcast.

And I wrote Wikiguides!

Wikiguide One

Wikiguide Two

Wikiguide Three

Oh, To Be A Baby Once More

5:25 pm

The baby years were some the best years in my life. It was like a circus in hyperspace. Seriously though. You could poop, and it was cute. You could puke, it was o.k., as long as you didn't puke in anyone's mouth (sorry dad!) Drooling was a ball. It was the best feeling to be able to notice that there's saliva coming out of my mouth, that's not spit, and saying "this is awesome!" Or more like "Goob doob gaga awesome!" 

Another great aspect was the soap eating.

Yep. I consumed soap, like I mean chunks out of bars, not liquid soap. As my mother would wash me as a baby in the tub, every time she would turn away...CHOMP. Even when she put it out of reach, I still got it. The best was when I consumed an entire bar. This was of course over a course of two baths. As my mom left me unattended for a couple of seconds. I know you all are thinking," leaving a baby alone in a tub? Holy shitballs!" But it was o.k. I had a bottle of medication and a plugged in radio to keep me company. And by the time she got back, I had eaten the rest of the half eaten soap.... which I preceded to vomit soon after. Which I then ate. Kidding. Maybe. Yeah.

Also, I have been told that I was very happy when I stepped on a broke my brothers acoustic guitar. Yep.  As he laid on the ground just playing stuff I stood above him on a couch, with evil plots in my mind. After a long strum of the D minor cord, an almost evil chord, sensing what was about to occur. I launched my self like a slippery turkey in an old woman's hands down toward the guitar. My 10 hairs flew in the wind as I smiled with a devilish touch. My brother's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, and  and made contact, breaking the top, and safely landing in the open topped guitar. I smiled at my brother, unaware of what had occurred. It was then that he threw me across the room, which is why I have a dent in my head to this very day. Kidding. Maybe. Ok that one was definitely a lie.

FailDogs

Like LOLCats, but dogs failing. They try to update at least everyday. Here's some of my faves.

Dead Rockers + Gnome = POSSIBLE

5:06 pm

It has recently come to my attention that a large amount of rock-stars have died in some type of vehicle accident, right when they're really makin' it. Take, Randy Rhoads. He played guitar for Ozzy Osbourne when he went solo. And soon enough, during one of their tours, boom. Dead. Apparently the dude who drove their bus stopped at an airplane hanger and took people for rides in one of the planes. Of course, they agreed no questions asked. Ok. This is after he had been driving at least 16 hours, and plus, he was probably drugged up, which kept him awake. Of course, they ended up crashing and killing everyone in it. Also, a couple of the band members of Lynyrd Skynrd (people who play Free Bird) Also died in a plane crash, during one of their tours, when they were at the peak of fame. As did the great guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughn. But, he did die in a helicopter accident. How do you do that anyway? At least in a plane you can get off course, and its a really big machine to maneuver. But all it takes to drive a helicopter is a guy with a stick attached to the floor. Mysterious?

This brings me to my conclusion. Conspiracy. My belief is there is some small evil elf or something that looks like the Travelocity Gnome. And he was bullied as a child (think of how short he was then, poor boy) by some guy who grew up to be a rock star, and now he's taking vengeance on everyone. Well, I cant deal with this goddamn rock star withdrawal. I think its time for him to hang up his little pointy Travelocity hat and stop while he's ahead, it's causing me too much strife. Oh, and I bet he pushed Keith Moon into that pool. He went for the legs, that's what you do with people who are tall.

Easter Shmmeaster

9:46 pm

Today is Sunday, which means my Easter weekend is finé (Yep, that's an E with the doodly doo thing on it) And I have accomplished much. Heading to Toronto ( I live in Canada) I went to see the band Foo Fighters. They were AWESOME. 3 hour show, and then in the middle Alex Lifeson and Geddy Lee (people from Rush) appeared and played YYZ with the band. It was tasty. Other then that, we shopped, which was full of many Short jokes on my friend, because she hates that I, am taller then her. The insults consisted of:

- Man its windy, is it windy that low to the ground too?

- (trying on a green sweater) You know with all that green and the red hair people will think your a leprechaun.

- (After threatening to kick me) Are you sure you can reach me up here, hey! I didn't know Ugs came in Munchkin!

- You look like the really short lady from the Incredibles.

- Need helping getting out of the car, its a pretty big fall for you.

- Where's the rest of you?

- (At a restaurant) Yes, and a booster seat for her.

All in all, it was good. I even made friends with he guy beside at the concert who was already 3 beers in. Eventually he got all sulky because he was cut off, but it was still a good concert. However, the stench of concert Mary Jane was hard to handle. There was more pot there then the Iron Maiden concert I was at last week. The best part is I always looked good beside the short chick.

Cyanide and Happiness

From Cyanide and Happiness at Explosm.net

Little small, sorry.

Shovel Here, Shovel There

3:47 pm

My street appears to be cursed for random people. After the Cat Lady, there is also "Shovel Man". This man lives near me, and always shovels the exact same spot of property. Not weird at all, right? The weird thing is he shovels this spot whether there is snow in that area or not. Of course, I don't want to ask about this, or it could stir up some crap that I dont want to deal with. So as I walk out of my house once again one day, which where he was shovelin away on his lawn. He must have caught my eyes because he turned to me and said "You know I hate goddamn shovelin" I was caught off guard, but yet he kept talking. "The reason I'm out here is 'cuz I HATE my mother in law". Now, this man must be about 60-65 and he has a mother in law laying in some bed in a back room yellin' "You Asshole, go out and shovel!" He continued: "So I go out and shovel, come back in, make her tea, put a sleeping pill in it, and she passes out for a bit while I watch porn" Is anyone thinking this dude and the mother in law are screwed in the head. He drugs his mother and then watches naked girls (or what I think is naked girls) Im just afraid hes not thinking of his mother in law during. That is all. My street is fucked up. Done.

Are You Experienced?

If you can just get your mind together

Then come on across to me

We'll hold hands and then we'll watch the sunrise

From the bottom of the sea

But first, are you experienced?

Have you ever been experienced?

Well, I have

I know, I know you probably scream and cry

That your little world won't let you go

But who in your measly little world

Are you trying to prove that

You're made out of gold and, eh, can't be sold

So, are you experienced?

Have you ever been experienced?

Well, I have

Let me prove you...

Trumpets and violins I can hear in distance

I think they're calling our names

Maybe now you can't hear them, but you will

If you just take hold of my hand

Oh, but are you experienced?

Have you ever been experienced?

Not necessarily stoned, but beautiful...

My Friends Seth & Paul

10:12 pm

I'm watching the movie Knocked Up (good movie) starring Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd. And I need to say....both hilarious and great actors. Since Freaks and Geeks (Seth) and A Question Of Ethics (Paul) They have written, produced, and have been in so many awesome possum (no O in my opossum...screw it) movies and are still makin' em. I fist discovered Paul Rudd in the popular TV series FRIENDS, which I also love (I own seasons 1-8, missing 9,10, its a pass time, not a disease) and Seth Rogen I semi-noticed in Anchorman, which Paul Rudd was in, and since then I've seen a lot of both of their movies, which isn't hard because they're in a lot of the same ones. They are great actors, and I hope you agree as well. If you don't, you deserve a beat down.

P.S. according to the internet, they shall be in a movie called Monsters Vs. Aliens, thats set to be released in 2009

Keys To The D.U.M.B

11:15 PM

Here I am, sitting in the dark, in my living room at 11pm (timezone on blogger isn't right) watching the Comedy Network. On comes a commercial for a show called Keys To The VIP. Its a contest between men about who can get the most girls. A game similar to this is called male life. I'm not sure how many people watch it, but four or five "Girl Experts" watch each dude try to get numbers and what not. I think its DUMB. I wonder if these chicks know their being manipulated and being put on a TV show? I wonder if there's a show out there called Keys To The Girls Apartment or something where girls go out and find men to be their life long partners. It might be better then watching three different dudes with popped collars, sunglasses, and crazy hair try to get laid. I don't watch it, I think not a lot of people do either. That is all. Sorry Comedy Network. It Sucks Wang.

Break A Leg: The Sitcom

Break A Leg is an independent sitcom on the internet and iTunes, Youtube, etc. Its produced by For Your Imagination. Its in a Arrested Development type of format. There's new videos out every Monday, and at a high production value. The description on the website is a follows:

BREAK A LEG is the story of DAVID PENN, a writer who just got his first sitcom deal. GROOMMATES, his show about three ex-grooms living with their two ex-wives, replaces the previous hit, SWAMBLERS – a rollicking story of gambling cowboy swingers roughing it in the Wild West, Swambler-style. The writer/creator died – which is good news for David, because now he gets his own show.

Besides the regular trials and tribulations that come with shooting a sitcom, David has one other problem – he’s going to die at the end of the season. How? That remains to be seen. Why? That’s another important piece of information that David has yet to figure out. But as he narrates his story from beginning to end, one fact remains -- he will die, in the storage room, with a gun to his head and the sounds of a fake laugh track in his ears.

Will GROOMMATES be a hit? Will he win the hand of the feminist, ex-SWAMBLER turned secretary turned GROOMMATE? Will he get the respect he deserves from the likes of Jennifer John Bradley, the director and Sebastian Windlethorpe III, the producer? Will Andy Corvell, the network head who has never actually been seen, keep GROOMMATES on the air? And finally, will David, in fact, survive this ordeal?

A show not only about show business, but relationships, fame, entertainment and death – BREAK A LEG, the first "adventu-com" -- is a delicious mix of quick wit, adventure and murder -- like a very dangerous I Love Lucy.

Pirate Hopscotch

I found this on CollegeHumor   I enjoyed it, and I hope you do too.

Super Heroes

Cleaning out my room the other day, I came across an assortment of many comics that I haven't read in a very long time. I began thinking of the 'Who could beat who in a fight' thing, but there are to many super heroes to deal with. That's why I'm here to say to Marvel Comics...and DC comics...and the other people to use your peripherals! Narrow it down to like, 5 super heroes for gods sake. its hard to keep up with Captain America bonking people on the head with his shield like clowns do with bats, Superman, changing from superman to Clark Kent, which is freakin' obvious, and Spider man having to beat up people who are trying to steal this and that. Its too much to take.

I wanna talk about the storylines now. Some plots that people come up with are kinda dumb. I was recently reading a comic where Spiderman goes to Africa (yeah, Africa) to help defeat people who are trying to take the great temple of CongoCoconut (or whatever) from the natives of the town. Holy crap. This has gone from skinny kid jumping around in a tight costume that for some reason doesn't show his bulge (mysterious) to some guy goin' through caves and doing stuff like Indiana Jones. (Hmm should I take the golden statue standing in the once piece of light coming in from this cave, after Ive gone through snakes and all kinds of crap? Yeah! What could happen)

I think The Justice League was the best thing to ever happen to comics. It kept all the main super heroes together and in one comic. This way, we only have to read one comic. But of course, once this happened people came up with rando super heroes to have plotlines even though no one has even heard of them. I was reading a Justice League comic, and suddenly the Green Lantern says "Quick drillman! dig a hole! And some weird blond haired guy with drills for hands. starts drilling a hole in the ground. Its bull crap. I'm tired.

Oh, and in case you wondering why I haven't addressed the idea that its totally unrealistic what super heroes do, its because I believe in that shit.

The Saga Of The Crazy Cat Lady

It seems like a normal day, sun shining, birds...gone from the cold. Nothing can go wrong, and then here comes this white haired (what I call a long haired bowl cut) with a cat slung across her shoulder like one of those ammo belts people carry on their chests. It was very weird. However, this was a while ago, and weird things have been happening ever since. Anyway, onto the saga.

It first began on recycling day, and it was about 9am. Me, being environmentally friendly had put my recycling bin out the previous night. As I opened the door to go to class, there she stood, well not stood as much slowly and strangely dragging my recycling bin up onto my property, still with the cat attached to her shoulder. When I asked her just what in gods name she was doing, she simply replied "Ain't no good no how to be leavin' these on the sidewalk. You should bring them in as soon as POSSIBLE" I emphasise possible because she had. Kind of weird to emphasise this word, but whatev.

The next time I saw her was in summer when I strolled out of my homestead once again. I met her, weeding my garden, which is strange because its very small, and the weeds are covered by this one big plant that is called whoreallycares. This time, she didn't seem to notice me, and proceeded to weed the garden in silence, except for a few mumbles and grumbles about the garden. Lets review. Old lady, not her garden, comes to other persons house, weeds, complains about weeds. There are not enough words in the dictionary.


Next on the agenda. Door cocking. Yes indeed. After one of my long classes, I was a little exhausted and burnt out. I pulled in the car, and stumbled to the house. There she stood in front of my door, pulling off the cocking. For those of you who don't know what cocking is, its the plastic stuff around other stuff to keep the heat in and keep stuff together. Once her task had been completed, she stumbled off with the cat in silence. I was never sure what she did with it. I don't think I want to know.


Finally, sorry if I'm boring you. I was driving home one night as she was walking down the street. On the other street some young kids spent their time snickering at her. She turned toward them, and proceeded to laugh as well. Then, as she walked away, she turned toward my car and told me, word for for word. "Those boys think I have a skunk on my shoulder. Oh hoo hoo a skunk. To be honest *she leaned in close* I'm not really a skunk kinda person! After this she laughed, and walked down the street.


I see her from time to time these days. Also, every recycling day she puts our boxes up near our house. She spends her time walking up and down the street with the cat on her shoulder. I have a sneaky suspicion that its sown to her body. I hope she never dies, because then I would have to go to her funeral, which would just be cats. All cats.


Until next time, the saga continues. Long haired bowl cut and all.