5:25 pm
The baby years were some the best years in my life. It was like a circus in hyperspace. Seriously though. You could poop, and it was cute. You could puke, it was o.k., as long as you didn't puke in anyone's mouth (sorry dad!) Drooling was a ball. It was the best feeling to be able to notice that there's saliva coming out of my mouth, that's not spit, and saying "this is awesome!" Or more like "Goob doob gaga awesome!"
Another great aspect was the soap eating.
Yep. I consumed soap, like I mean chunks out of bars, not liquid soap. As my mother would wash me as a baby in the tub, every time she would turn away...CHOMP. Even when she put it out of reach, I still got it. The best was when I consumed an entire bar. This was of course over a course of two baths. As my mom left me unattended for a couple of seconds. I know you all are thinking," leaving a baby alone in a tub? Holy shitballs!" But it was o.k. I had a bottle of medication and a plugged in radio to keep me company. And by the time she got back, I had eaten the rest of the half eaten soap.... which I preceded to vomit soon after. Which I then ate. Kidding. Maybe. Yeah.
Also, I have been told that I was very happy when I stepped on a broke my brothers acoustic guitar. Yep. As he laid on the ground just playing stuff I stood above him on a couch, with evil plots in my mind. After a long strum of the D minor cord, an almost evil chord, sensing what was about to occur. I launched my self like a slippery turkey in an old woman's hands down toward the guitar. My 10 hairs flew in the wind as I smiled with a devilish touch. My brother's eyes grew to the size of dinner plates, and and made contact, breaking the top, and safely landing in the open topped guitar. I smiled at my brother, unaware of what had occurred. It was then that he threw me across the room, which is why I have a dent in my head to this very day. Kidding. Maybe. Ok that one was definitely a lie.
No comments:
Post a Comment